I’ve not posted anything for over a week now. I feel a bit crap for not doing anything, but to be honest, there’s not much been happening.
K has been off sick all this week so we’ve been stuck indoors. This has upset Toddler and she has been really pushing buttons and boundaries. This in turn makes me feel crap and like a failure and then my stupid head goes off in to one and its just everything negative and dwelling on things I have absolutely no control over and that really shouldn’t bother me, but they do.
I start off with all these good intentions to do things. That I’m going to start the day on a good footing and “Carpe Diem” (seize the day). That we’re going to have fun, I’m going to get things done and be the housewife that I feel is expected of me. To be the Mama I feel I should be.
And then I wake up and the reality is very different. I find myself, having had a crappy night sleep, a little worse for wear and tired. The baby then decides he will spend the day screaming at me and before I know it, nothing’s been done and yet another day has passed.
It’s not helped my the fact that I’m worried about a lot of things at the moment. Worrying always makes you feel more tetchy doesn’t it? And the tiniest and most stupid things are irritating me and getting me wound up.
I just feel like I need a break but its difficult when you have young children, no where to go (or the spare cash to pay for it), and going alone can be a bit boring.
I feel like I’m alone in all of this at the moment. Please tell me other have crappy days too where they just want to get away and where things feel like they’re never going how they should be?
I really need to try harder and change my mindset and stop being so negative about everything. I need to try and see the positives in things. Maybe I should start by making a little list and noting down just a few positive things at the end of each day. Maybe I could even blog about them here as I find writing down my thoughts help me. I could write down, once a week, all the positives for that week. All the good things that have happened. Hopefully doing so will help me think more positively and changed my mindset. After all, I’d hate for my kids to turn out the same!
We cannot change the past, but we can change our future.