Today was a fairly good day. Until the 6pm curse hit upon the house and it descended in to a fury of tired children, misbehaving, ignoring. Chaos everywhere and both the girls getting riled up by their hyperactive brother whose medication had now completely worn off and his horrid side come out to play.
I don’t like this side of Jake. I really don’t like it. He is rude, obnoxious, arrogant, ignorant, disobedient – and nothing, and I mean nothing can stop it.
I scream. I shout. I sit. I cry. Why me??
What have I ever done to deserve this? To have a child like this. To have a child with ADHD.
Was I such a horrible child growing up, that this is my repayment? Am I such a bad person?
I know I am not the best mother in the world. I didn’t exactly have a good, loving, mother as a role model. I know I lack patience. I am easy to flare up.
But does that really make me a bad person? What did I do wrong?
Or maybe it’s my fault? It’s my fault that he’s like this. I mean, I grew him. Did I eat something wrong? Was it all that sugar that I consumed because I was craving it so much? Is that the reason why he has ADHD?
I can think of a thousand reasons why I don’t deserve this life.
I am constantly stressed. Constantly on edge. Constantly tired. I never get a break. I want to scream and shout when people tell me that I should try this, and try that. They don’t live my life. They don’t know what happens day in day out. They don’t know how extreme it is. They don’t know how bad it is. They don’t understand how hard parenting ADHD is.
He can be a good kid, we know that because when he is medicated and he is levelled out, he’s great – and really intelligent. You can talk to him. Have really nice conversations. Discuss things that he’s interested in. Do nice things as a family.
That’s when I sit back and think…..